Eating dinner at someone’s house can be one of the most dangerous and nerve-racking experiences for someone with a food allergy. Most of us have experienced how vastly different people handle food allergies when you are invited to their house for a meal or holiday. We also know that teens suffering from food allergies have various parameters with what they will and won’t eat. This can create a lot of confusion and misunderstanding in how people plan meals that are safe for people with allergies and how those with allergies handle eating food prepared by others. I have often heard, “Oh, my meal is allergy-safe. I don’t use any nuts or sesame”. What most people don’t realize (and again some are unbelievably conscientious and aware) is that food allergens are lurking in some staple ingredients that they may be using. So, while they didn’t overtly put sesame seeds on their salad, they never looked at the packaging of the salad toppers used, or they poured bottled dressing on the salad and didn’t realize it had tahini (a sesame paste) in it. Someone cooking a steak feels it’s a “simple safe allergy meal”. Did they check the ingredients of their steak sauce? Did the steak rub contain sesame seeds? How do we navigate this, especially as teens? It’s a fine balance between wanting to be grateful for the generosity of someone hosting a dinner complete with home-cooked meals, showing appropriate etiquette, and preventing a possible allergic reaction. Here are some suggestions and tips to help successfully manage meals prepared by others:
Provide the family or hosts ahead of time with your allergies and mention how to appropriately examine the labels of everything that will be used.
Offer to cook something and bring that (or buy it for convenience) from somewhere allergy-safe that you know you will eat and enjoy and can be shared by others.
Offer to help in the kitchen so questions can be asked and answered before a mistake is made.
Some ways of expressing concern appropriately are, “I would love to join your family for dinner. I do have some severe food allergies and I don’t want to be an inconvenience. I can bring something allergy-safe to share and that way you don’t need to worry about every ingredient or cross-contamination.” If the family says “I would like you to be a guest and be able to eat. Can I share my menu with you?” you could say, “I would be happy to review what you are cooking. I hope you don’t mind that I may have questions because allergens can sometimes be surprisingly hidden in items we assume are free of allergens. Will that bother you or be of help?”
Lastly, it’s important to positively reinforce generosity or conscientiousness when a host does go to great lengths to be mindful of food allergens when cooking. You are helping every individual, as well as yourself, keep people safe and educated when it comes to food allergens. Learning to speak up and ask questions is an important skill. As a teen struggling with food allergies and eating at people’s houses, these are skills that are necessary and have helped build my character in so many ways. Learning to balance the gratitude, assertiveness, ability to ask questions and provide knowledge to protect your body and health cannot be underestimated. The meaningfulness of home-cooked family meals shared should be celebrated by everyone, including teens with allergies.
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